The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
