I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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