Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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