I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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