i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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