Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
