So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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