I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
