Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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