ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
