fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
