Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
