by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You made out with two different species that night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
