You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
