i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
