This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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