I'm really into asian looking animals
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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