tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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