you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone came in the potted fern
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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