If i come over, it means nothing
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
