I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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