I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
