I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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