You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
