i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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