Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
