I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
