I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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