Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
