HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
