It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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