My first STD was from a foam party
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
