and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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