I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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