one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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