when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize
