he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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