i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Of course I have a pirate flag
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
