You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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