We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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