i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
