you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
