No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
