My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
