Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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