We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
