ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
