operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
