The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
