Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
